- Hisui

I liked this one girl, a Japanese exchange student. But could never work up the nerve to even be her friend. I am pathetic.

Sorry I forgot to put in this brief part about meeting and dating online! We found that only 7 people had ever met someone online and then turned that into a relationship. And almost no one met through a dating site specifically. In fact, there was a distinct stigma against using dating sites and people who use dating sites are still seen in poor light for the most part. Just another interesting piece of the puzzle!

-Hisui and Narutaki

Granted some shared interests is great but most of the otaku I know spend waaaay too much time on their passions to even have a girl or boyfriend.

In any case I love this blog and I think now there is another addition to my blogroll.

I can’t say my stories are as positive, though.

Been in a relationship once. Lasted a month, which is why I don’t quite count it. It was a mess, and a mistake, but it’s OK. It was one of the most important lessons in relationships I could ever have.

Been in love once. It wasn’t with the girl I had a relationship once, but with my best friend at the time. Of course, it ended up messy, mostly because what I felt was the most confusing feeling I’ve ever felt, due to various factors. I essentially ended up cutting her from my life entirely, in one fell swoop.

I have, in fact, consciously and unconsciously destroyed every chance I’ve had. Most of the girls that have liked me, I’ve found a way to drive them away; most of the girls I’ve liked, I’ve either been foolish enough to like (And then get better and forget about them), or go far enough to realize it just wouldn’t work (Again, for various reasons).

I haven’t dated in years. Before, I just wanted somebody to love me, then I wanted somebody to love. Now, I feel pretty fine. Sometimes I feel lonely, but then I fight back. I look at the world around me and realize that there’s nothing here for me. Everywhere I look, I see that what I seek is not here.

So I just live.

I talk with people, laugh at things, enjoy life. I don’t care about my relationships, and when someone asks for advice, I use what I’ve learned (From my own experience, and from observing other people) to help people.

I have no hurry anymore. No desperation. Nothing.

I just feel fine.

But sometimes… I just look at some of my otaku friends, married, or in long-term relationships, and I can’t help but feel a bit lonely.

Fwiw, and as shallow as I fear it makes me sound, sharing a fondness for anime has been an important part of my relationship. Not because it’s a dealbreaker or a huge priority in my life or anything, but just because it’s a huge relief to not have to hide that stuff or apologize for it. Finding someone who accepts you as you are and doesn’t judge, for whatever things you’re into or whatever kind of person you are, well… isn’t that what everyone wants?

I’ve got to say that I really don’t know what “normal” people do in a relationship. “Normal people” not just referring to non-otaku, but to any couple who doesn’t share a specific interest or hobby in their time spent together. What is there to bond over and escape to? Collecting friends? Throwing parties? Having lots of kids? Endlessly remodeling the house and buying furniture? I can see the appeal in all these pursuits but have never been able to strongly identify with any of them, myself. Is it selfish to want to indulge in these escapist fantasies with someone else instead of pursuing all the goals that society has deemed the most important priorities for adults? This is a “grown-up” question that probably goes beyond any of the concerns of most younger readers but I guess it’s the one that everyone faces once they get out of college, both in their personal lives and in their relationships.

To put it simply, just finding someone else that you can truly be yourself with, and who you can share your once-solitary interests with, is fantastically rewarding and shouldn’t be written off as unimportant.