Congratulations, Mr. President

It was a real nail biter this year. This election might very well be the most important decision the nation has ever made. We face an enormous economic crisis that still continues to cripple our growth. There are grave threats to our nation’s security both internal and external. We have a broken political system in which partisan politics and powerful lobbyists gridlock the system and remove power from the hands of the common people. And Legend of the Galactic Heroes still goes unlicensed in English.

We need a leader who can overcome these troubled times with vision and strength of character. A leader who can bring together the American people with compassion and leadership. A president with real solutions that can return America to the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I’m just glad to see that the best man won this year.

The American people made the right choice this year and elected a savior. They elected the 23rd president of the United States, Funny Valentine.

As a war veteran and former POW, his military record makes him a hero. His scars mark him as a true patriot. His devotion to his wife, Scarlet Valentine, shows him to be a family man concerned about both traditional values and women’s rights. The ability to play the mandolin using his feet speaks to his sensitive nature as an artist. His fondness for shotgunning beer shows that he can enjoy the simple pleasure of the common man while still being dignified and well-educated. As the creator of the “napkin theory of control” he has demonstrated that he is man with vision that can lead the U.S. to glory. His recent sponsorship of the Steel Ball Run proves that he is a job creator. And his dedication to collecting the corpse parts reveal his spiritual nature.

Plus how many other world leaders have magical spirit familiars that let them control alternate dimensions in time and space? I mean Japan has politicians with magical mahjong powers but that is hardly the same.

I look forward to seeing what the next four years bring.

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